I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
