if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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