? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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