They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The air was thick with penises
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
