Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
