two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize