Whod you bang
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
