I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
