but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
