She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
