when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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