So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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