I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
