this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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