If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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