Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
