I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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