I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
