Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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