in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
