i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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