so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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