My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
