I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
