ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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