I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
