He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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