He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
