apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
