ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
