you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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