I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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