hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The air taste purple.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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