OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
