I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
