Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
