We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
