Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
