just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
