are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
