Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
