you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
