The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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