Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
