We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
