What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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