I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize