I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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