You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
