Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
