My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
