Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it was like eating out sand paper
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
