He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
