You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Someone shattered a urinal.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
