Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
