If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
