Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
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FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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