My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
