I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize