It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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