my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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