His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
