i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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