You smell like a Billy Joel song
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
