I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
